she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
