Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
