i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
