When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
