I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think your dad took our porno
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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