I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
