So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the day after is always just damage control
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
