Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize