Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
