Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
