i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
