is wine microwaveable?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize