it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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