He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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