His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
