i would punch a child for taco bell
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
