Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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