There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
