I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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