I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
