if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
