It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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