Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
