I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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