I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
