real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Buhtt sex?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
