i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
