Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
