Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
