there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
