Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
