If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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