it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
