That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
