Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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