he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize