My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
