I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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