one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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