had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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