Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
