dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
