Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
