a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Plan B is the new Plan A
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
