Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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