That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
