I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
