I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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