I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
