Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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