You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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