U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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