I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
