it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize