He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
