It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
