I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
