I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
