So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
