i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize