I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
