I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
