what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
