You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
