he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
