Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
