3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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