We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
